“What did we do?
When I was looking at you,
I saw our future together
I thought I was clever,
Dreaming of smiles forever.
But what could I do?

What did we do?!
I got carried away.
I just wanted to play,
And instead I was left
Holding my heart
Watching my life fall apart.

But what could I do?
I followed you to run,
You made it look so fun
And as I gazed at you
I watched everything you do.
What could I have done?

We were friends
& we were lovers,
We knew all there was to know
about each other,
but the discord in my soul 
told me it was going to end.

What else could I do?
I tried to ignore
The still small voice
I had just learned to listen for
And I cried & I sighed
What I realized..

The only thing to do
was say good-bye.
And oh how I cried
And tried
To avoid what was in store.
Inevitably, we were to be no more. 

And I dug my head in the sand,
But there was no room
for my feet to stand,
And braced myself for
Another death of a dream,
The end of a beautiful scheme.

And as I held my breath,
I imagined life after death,
A life without my best friend.
I never wanted to see its end.
And try as I might
There was nothing left to fight..for.

I succumbed to good-bye,
As tears flooded my eyes.
And replaying this broken scene
In my failings to live the dream
I promise myself that I will
Protect heart & mind — my very being.

..Next time.

And then we meet again,
You may be new,
Or you may be a friend.
And as I yearn for a love that grows
I abandon all that I’ve known
And travel full force again.

Until I find myself ask,
“What did we do?”
You could be new
Or you could be a friend.
What else could I do? 
My thought of love looks good on you.

And so we chase our tails again.
In search of the love
of someone new.
It could be you.
It probably isn’t you, but
That is all I can do…again.

THE END” 

copyright 2010

She married him today.
At the end of the wedding party, her mother gave her a newly opened bank savings passbook, with $1000 deposited in it.
She told her, “My dear daughter, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your married life. Whenever something happy and memorable happens in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it’s about next to the amount. The more memorabl
e the event is, the more money you can put in. I’ve done the first one for you today. Do the others with your husband. When you look back after years, you will know how much happiness you’ve both shared.’

She shared this with him after getting home. Both of them thought it was a great idea and couldn’t wait to make the next deposit! This is what the passbook looked like after a while:

- 7 Feb: $100, his first birthday celebration after marriage
- 1 Mar: $300, she gets a salary raise
- 20 Mar: $200, vacation to Bali
- 15 Apr: $2000, She’s pregnant!
- 1 Jun: $1000, He gets the big promotion
and so on…

However, as the years went by, they began fighting and arguing over trivial things. They didn’t talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty person in the world…There was no more love.
One day she talked to her Mother. ‘Mom, we can’t stand it anymore. We have decided to divorce. I can’t imagine how I decided to marry this guy!’

Her mother replied, ‘Sure, that’s no big deal. Just do whatever you want, if you really can’t stand it. But before that, do one thing. Remember the savings passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn’t keep any record of such a poor marriage.’

She agreed with her. So she went to the bank, and was waiting in the queue to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joyful moments came back to her. Her eyes were filled with tears. She left and went home.

When she got home, she handed the passbook to him and asked him to spend the money before getting divorced.

So the next day, he went to the bank, and was waiting in the queue to cancel the account. While he was waiting, he took a look at the passbook record. He looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joyful moments came back to him. His eyes were filled with tears. He left and went home.

He gave the passbook back to her. She found a new deposit of $5000. And a line next to the record: ‘This is the day I realized how much I’ve loved you throughout all these years. How much happiness you’ve brought me.’

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back into the safe.

How do I explain? How do I describe?

I feel like I need to go to school to help me sort out my feelings. A sort of “feeling good” school. Does that exist?